Random Actions(Series): Caravan Palace
by MillionnAIRE-ZEDD
Summary: Eric T. Cartman is appointed by Harrison Yates of Park County Police to find out more information on a up and coming mob/terrorist group(still don't know yet) and take them down before any more attacks take place. Eric creates a team that includes Leopold Butters Stotch, Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh, and Kenny McCormick. Craig's gang follows in Cartman and co.'s foot steps.


**_(It's the Jew's point of view)_**

For once in my life the weather outside is fucking gorgeous. Trees are vivid green and the grass is freshly cut. The snow stopped falling and has melted off the ground. Sparrows are chirping, chickens are squawking cheerfully, Farmer Denkin's cows seem happier and shops and towns are filled with wide open smiles, all just because of the sudden change of weather.

But I can't fucking enjoy it myself.

1st period with substitute teacher Mr. Adler is the freaking worst. He's been subbing this class for maybe three months now, a week before our asian teacher's _(Author notes:I forgot her name)_ third trimester of pregnancy, where it got really bad. So bad that she almost lost the fetus. I feel really terrible for her. Back on the issue with Mr. Adler. Sure he knows what he is doing, he gets us to understand the work in the way the school board wants us too and he runs the class… decently. But I hate his behavior, and his voice. His nasally effin' voice. I thought my voice was fucked. The fatman was discussing one of The Shakespearean Plays, "Hamlet". He was going into great detail over every little thing, Prince Hamlet's depression, his father's funeral, how and why his mother was already remarried etc. etc. I mean what's so hard about reading the plot summary of Hamlet? The entire summary of the play is on the back of the stapled packet. I can easily turn the packet around and read off a shorter version of what Mr. Adler is lecturing about.

I flipped over the pamphlet to the back and started reading in my head. The summary was simplistic but reliable. I started copying down bullet point notes as my free hand skimmed through the Times New Roman printed text. I'm right handed. Occasionally I'd glance up at the him to make him believe I was paying attention. Mr. Adler was going off on Prince Hamlet's love affair.

" 'Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it.' " Mr. Adler recited a quote, "You're going to have to write or type these quotes down as I do the same on the board." Did I mention that in highschool we have a choice of laptop or pencil and paper? It's freaking sweet.

Everyone took their time to chorus a groan, even me. A symphony of annoyed high school students, how normal is that ?

"Stop screwing around, you screw around too much," spewing that infamous quote. Craig, who was sitting in the second row,-I was in the fifth,-momentarily dropped his pen and flipped him off with his now free hand. He picked up the pen and resumed taking down notes. I glanced over to Craig's seat. His arm was outstretched to another desk: Tweek's desk. Craig was holding Tweek's hand. They've "been together" since that whole yaoi art fiasco happened between them in fourth. It's been years since this happened. The art fad has died down a ton, and no one really cares. Yet they are still continuing their fake relationship. I small part of me thinks that they are actually gay and dating.

I watched as Craig smiled at him. He started rubbing the back of Tweek's hand with his thumb. "Oh Craig," Tweek whispered. Warm smiles and shallow awes filled the room. Craig smiled wider, baring his teeth. His eyes remained half lidded. Is my mind fucking with me orrrr…..

"Stop screwing around, you screw around t-"

"Yes yes, we get it: We screw around too much! Shut up now!" Clyde interrupted Mr. Adler's catchphrase, then went back to messing with his phone.

The teacher huffed and brushed off hurt feelings. On an unrelated note, my pocket has been buzzing for the last 10 seconds. Who the fuck would text at this hour, knowing I have school ? Could it be Clyde ? I don't think I have his number.

I sneakily pulled out my phone and unlocked it. It was revealed that I do have a few text messages, but none of them are from Clyde, or rather anyone in the classroom. They were texts from the devil himself. Eric Fucking Cartman.

Today Monday 2017

8:30A.M

Fr: The Fatass

To: Kyle

"Hey Joo, aske thee teach to use the batheroo m"

"I need to talk to u on the fone"

8:31 A.M

"Seriosly Joo, I need your help."

"This shit is important"

I pondered a moment, and studied the text word for word. Either he was lying, or he does need help. I thought to myself: fuck no, I'm not missing class time to talk this fat fuck about something stupid, and frankly it's not even worth my time. My buzzed phone again.

8:34 A.M

"Please, Kyle, Answer the phone and answer it. If you do oblige, I promise I'll stay away from you forever. I'll switch school districts and spend the rest of Junior and all of senior away from you. please."

Ok, this fatass is serious. I thought this fucker was stuck in bed with a fever, or the flu, or something. Why would we need me for anything? He probably asking me to babysit him because his mother has some guy's bone up her butt and he doesn't want that around him. With his living condition and his mom's promiscuity, there's a likely chance that I am right. Do I even really want to talk to this fucker? This stupid class is boring anyway. At least faking a bathroom break will cut class time a bit. I can get away from Mr. Adler's attitude. I stupidly raised my hand full on knowing his back turned to us. I was hoping he would turn around. Turn around dude. I kept my hand in the same position for a bit more. Please turn over. Moments later.

"Mr. Adler, Kyle's raising his hand," someone spoke in the back. They almost sounded like they were taddling on me. Almost like a damn 2nd grader. Sometimes, I wish I was back in 2nd. Mr. Adler finally turned around after what seemed like forever. "What is it Kyle ? You aren't screwing around are you?" He gave me the evil eye. "Uh no, I was just going to ask if I can use the restroom," I answered in my sweetest voice, with a fake smile. I glance over at Craig's seat again. He was talking sweet things in Tweek's ear. I smiled. "Oh well ok then," Mr. Adler tossed me the restroom keys and I hopped out of my chair.

In the bathroom, I whipped out my phone and unlocked it. I tapped the phone icon and pressed the speed dial number I set for Cartman's cell: 4. I waited for a while as the phone momentarily hummed. The humming indicating his phone was ringing on the other line and it wasn't turned off. He answered after the third hum before the fourth.

"KAHL! Thank you thank you !" He was thoroughly excited.

"Yeah, yeah fatass, I'm here now, speak." I spoke in a deadpan voice.

"Ok Kahl, first off, where do you think I am?"

"In bed, sicker than the continent of Africa."

"Whoa Kahl, watch your language, I faked my sickness. this situation is not for racial prejudice, merely business and human sacrifice-"

"Human what?!" A shallow squeaker voice screamed in the background.

"Butters?" Butters is there as well? Now really want to know what is going on.

"Where are you guys?" I asked as I scuffed my shoe against the surprisingly clean floor.

"Baja, California" Cartman's turn. My eyes widened.

"More importantly Tijuana! We're here to get more information about the upcoming maf-" Butters's voice

"Shut the fuck up Butters, you're blowing my-our covers" Cartman sounded angry.

"Why are you guys in Mexico? And tell me the truth," My confused tone was laced with anger.

All I could hear was silence on the other end.

"Cartman ? Butters ? Guys, answer me !"

Click…

The call ends. They hung up. Son of a bitch. Cartman makes me miss class - actually I kind of want to miss class - makes me step into this smelly fucking bathroom… God fucking dammit… I knew it. He's faking it. He's prank calling me. Why did I let him drag me into this? I'm stupid.

"That fatass is probably laughing his ass off right now. _-scoffs-_ just let him Kyle. you're a "Jewrat" anyway."

 **End of chapter 1 (Couldn't think of anything else to write)**


End file.
